


Lights

by ofreverentia



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M, Song fic, mention of injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 05:00:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20576864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofreverentia/pseuds/ofreverentia
Summary: Yuzuru is lying on his bed staring up at the ceiling with his right leg propped up on a pillow. It feels like a deja vu and in it is one too. Exactly a year ago he was in a similar position and it he felt as helpless as he it is now. He hates his body and his ankle with a burning passion.





	Lights

**Author's Note:**

  * For [endlessmasquerading](https://archiveofourown.org/users/endlessmasquerading/gifts).

> A/N: Based on BTS - Lights song. A gift to the person who always believes in me, supports me and understands me. Even on days where things are all just going wrong.

_ Sunday, when I can't answer any calls or texts _

_ I'm not in the mood for anything _

_ Though not very often, I feel sick of it _

_ I feel a little helpless right now _

Yuzuru is lying on his bed staring up at the ceiling with his right leg propped up on a pillow. It feels like a deja vu and in it is one too. Exactly a year ago he was in a similar position and it he felt as helpless as he it is now. He hates his body and his ankle with a burning passion. It is ridiculous he can’t have a longer period of time in his life where nothing bad happens. He said in interviews before, good times for him usually follow with bad. He won his second olympic gold, Helsinki was the first time he won the first grand prix assignment of a season. Too much good, of course in Moscow he had to injure his ankle all over again. Now he laid here painfully going through a round of rehab with high possibility he won’t even make it to Nationals. He gave up on the Final the moment his doctors examined him in his hotel room in Moscow. Just the fact they told him he will require three weeks rest before doing anything close to skating shattered his chances. Missing Nationals again was a bitter pill he had to swallow. 

A gentle knock on his door brought him back to reality and his mother, ever gentle and supportive stepped inside with a snack, medication and tea. Yuzuru smiled at her, grateful for her support and patience. He wondered on some days if he was still asking too much of her but she never complained, silently standing by his side. Yuzuru accepted the small bowl of fruit first, slowly eating it all while she sat by his side making sure he does. She only made the mistake once of letting him alone and it resulted him taking meds on an empty stomach. Yuzuru had to admit it wasn’t one of his wisest choices in life but eating anything that wasn’t required for body functions felt like a chore to him. Eating the last blueberry she handed him the tea to drink a few sips, pills in her palm ready for him to reach for. When everything was gone but the tea in his hand, she ruffled his hair and left him alone again.

Two weeks later he is still in the same position but now it’s official that he is not going to make it to Nationals, instead he is ready to watch it in the living room with his family. His father and sister made the way to Toronto instead of them going, reducing the strain on his ankle. Yuzuru felt bad about it but his family only supported him. Now here they were watching. The short program was exciting and Yuzuru felt happy for Shoma, he did really well, unfortunately his happiness lasted until he read the news on Twitter. 

**Shoma fell in practice and it worried some fans watching. **

**He is refusing to comment on his condition.**

Yuzuru felt a lump in his throat. 

_ But I still feel like I can save someone _

_ I hear your voice _

_ Within the noise, time stops _

_ We are connected by sound, woah _

After careful calculation and he reached for his phone to dial up a familiar number. After the fourth ring the call connected and he let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding. At least the younger was ready to speak to him.

“Sho…” He voice sounded much more gentle than he intended but he couldn’t help it. A soft hiccup reached his ears, followed by a sob. 

“It’s fucked up… I don’t know how I am going to skate the free.” Yuzuru had to bite his lip to stop any sound from escaping at the sound of those words. Oh so familiar for him over the years but it wasn’t something that happened often to Shoma. 

“I know it looks bad now but listen to me Sho. You are strong, you are one of the strongest people I know and while it may look helpless now but I know you. I believe in you. You are going to go out there and do your best. You are going to sweep everyone off their feet and get the gold you deserve.”

“But it’s not the gold I want if you are not here.” Yuzuru winced at it. The same words he heard last year as well.

“Sho. You are an amazing skater and me being there or not won’t change that fact. I need you to believe in yourself for once. Can you do that for me? Do it for both of us.” There was silence for several minutes and he wondered if Shoma hung up on him but before he could pull away the phone from his ear to confirm the connection was still there, he heard the small confirmation he needed. “Good. I truly believe in you. I know it’s hard and you probably don’t know how the future will look but… I am going to be there for you. The same way you have been there for me last year. You can count on me.” Shoma sighed in his ear.

“I promise. I am going to fight for both of us tomorrow. Thank you, Yuzu...thank you for calling.” Yuzuru couldn’t help but smile.

“Always.”

_ When I close my eyes _

_ In the darkness, your light woah _

_ Lights the way for me _

_ We can walk forward without fear, you & I woah _

Yuzuru never felt prouder than watching Shoma skate his heart out even with his injury. He fought like a true champion he was. Seeing the confirmation he would be the National champion filled him with a new kind of energy. He wanted to fight, he still had some of that fire inside of him. Shoma showed him that nothing is futile if he believes hard enough. He came back from injury before, it wasn’t something new for him but seeing another person he cared for so deeply push themselves even as things look dark; he had to fight.

He didn’t tell Shoma how he had managed to light the fire inside of him the next time they spoke but he made sure to tell him how proud he was of him. Not everything he felt had to be said out loud when it came to Shoma, somehow the younger always understood him. Sometimes better than he did himself. It felt bitter to be so far from him and missing two chances of spending time together but they made the best out of it. And Yuzuru couldn’t really complain about movie marathon cuddled up against his pillows especially if it involved watching Shoma fall asleep third movie in on his phone screen. That was way more interesting than some kind of action movie running on his laptop screen.

New Years brought some hope to him, finally being able to skate a bit more steadily and he couldn’t wait to tell Shoma about it. The younger still had a bit of resting to do but a few days later both shared pictures from their respective rinks. It felt good. It helped Yuzuru to have someone who understood his struggle, actually had an idea of how it feels, the difficulty and being able to do this together. Shoma felt like the light he did not think he had in all the darkness surrounding him.

_ You're my light you're my light _

_ Always shine into my heart _

_ You're my light you're my light _

_ No matter how far apart we are _

_ Your light shines on me _

Javier returned to Toronto as well and Yuzuru felt like his life was returning how it used to be and should be. Change didn’t sit well with him but he wasn’t delusional. He knew it was all temporary because once Javier leaves for his last European Championships he is not going to return to TCC. He will have to settle into the new system again. He dreaded the moment to come but he also had Shoma only a call away. Yuzuru didn’t think it would be possible to grow even closer to each other than they have been before, but here they were. Yuzuru had a small number of people he truly felt close to, who understood and accepted him for who he was. They never questioned his actions or why he may have said certain things. Even if he tried to hide his real feelings with those it was useless. His family belonged to those people but also Javier and Shoma. 

Out of all of the people though it has been Shoma who listened to him whine about his rehab, how painful it was to even stand on his right leg sometimes. Shoma showed patience and compassion towards his injury. In return Yuzuru have the same attention even if with the other it was more to reading between the lines because Shoma didn’t like to speak about his emotions so often. 

_ All the angels who know pain _

_ Flying on damaged wings through the night _

The day before Shoma had to fly out for 4CC they have decided to have one of those movie nights again but neither really showed enough interest in what was happening on the screen. Yuzuru paused the movie and addressed the zoned out Shoma.

“Sho..what is wrong? You look so distracted. Is it because of the competition?” Shoma didn’t say anything causing Yuzuru to sigh. “You know...it’s normal to be worried about competition especially when you are coming back from an injury. People think it’s easy and if you do not show your emotions or give details they dismiss it as nothing serious. They do not understand that there is so much more going on inside a person. Sometimes is not something you can voice out loud in fear they can’t understand what you are talking about. It has become so easy for people to judge or to pressure you in thinking a certain way. I know that physically you have improved since Nationals and that is good but I can see that mentally you are worried about what is waiting for you. It’s normal. I wish I could tell you how it will go away but it won’t.” Shoma looked at him through the screen and Yuzuru smiled softly at him.

“Tomorrow you are going to get on that plane and when you arrive you will only concentrate on what is in front of you. Do not give attention to those around you unless it’s necessary. I know you and how you are able to shut down the world and I need you to that with me too if that helps you.”

“But Yuzu…”

“It’s fine Shoma. I know you and I accept you. I believe in you. You are amazing and you can do it. Promise me that you will try to channel your thoughts on what is needed and only those things.” Shoma whined but after a second or two he nodded. “Good. I am going to watch and support you. And Sho...before you know it we are back in Japan and I can give you the biggest hug ever.” The younger closed his eyes a small smile appearing on his lips.

“I may not want to let you got for a long time…” Yuzuru grinned.

“Who said I would want to let you go once you are close enough in the first place?”

“Thank you, Yuzu.” Shoma whispered, eyes shining in the low light of his room. Yuzuru wished he could lean forward and press a kiss to his lips.

_ I never thought there'd be a sleepless night _

_ Turns out they weren't lies _

_ And it made me get stronger _

_ Dawn will come to the darkest of nights _

_ Overcome, even the future _

_ We won't stop from now on.  _

_ Decide for yourself what it means to be happy _

_ Every day, take a step to grow up _

The night before flying to Japan, Yuzuru slept bad, he just kept turning and tossing on top of his usually very comfortable mattress. He felt nervous for several reasons. One, his ankle was still giving him trouble though his rehabilitation went good enough for him to compete but he had to set himself some restrictions. Second, Shoma was in a similar situation. Third, it would be the first time since Summer, way before the season started that they would meet each other in person. He felt nervous, worried and excited all at once making it difficult for him to get any rest. So when his mother gently knocked on his door in the morning to make sure he was awake and could get ready, Yuzuru was already dressed and closing his luggage. Yumi raised a brow at that but she knew her son really well by now and just sighed softly. “I will make some some coffee.” Yuzuru bit down on his lower lip, thanking her. It was rare he drank coffee, only when he had a really rough night and his mother could tell that just from looking at him. He felt ever grateful to have her by his side. Ensuring he had Pooh and every single headphone he wanted to take with him in his hand luggage, he wheeled it towards the entryway. Fresh coffee filled the air and it reminded him of Javi and his late mornings, something familiar he could cling onto while he struggled keeping it together. 

Accepting the mug and a simple rice and fish breakfast though he wasn’t hungry at all, he kept a light conversation with his mother. Helping her clear the table they looked around the apartment one last time before leaving. The drive to the airport was so familiar and strange at the same time, he just let himself drift off in a light sleep. Boarding went smoothly and before he turned off his phone he sent a single message to Shoma. “Taking off...see you soon.” Yuzuru inhaled and hoped the flight would go by fast. One hour into the flight he did fall asleep in his seat, too tired to really stay awake a long haul flight on top of a sleepless night. 

Arriving in Japan filled Yuzuru with a little bit of anxiety, the media waiting hungry for his arrival and delaying his check-in into his designated hotel. He was used to it but with how tired he felt, it was a struggle he didn’t enjoy going through. The moment he could close the door to his room behind him he sighed in relief. Quickly he fished out his phone messaging his room number to Shoma even though he wasn’t sure the younger arrived already or not. To feel a bit more refreshed he took a quick shower, changing into leasure clothes eyeing his bed already and considering to take a nap. His thoughts were interrupted by a tentative knock on his door. Yuzuru made sure it wasn’t someone uninvited, looking through the peephole. His heart instantly started to beat faster and he yanked the door open, startling a sleepy looking Shoma.

“You are here…” Yuzuru spoke in ave and pulled his boyfriend inside the room, wrapping his arms around him the second the door closed. He felt Shoma press himself flush against him while his arms circled around his waist. 

“You are here too…” Shoma mumbled against his shoulder and Yuzuru squeezed him tighter. He couldn’t help but feel hopeful for the upcoming next days, especially if it meant to hold the most precious person inside his arms whenever he could.

“I missed you.” Yuzuru whispered in the others ear, making him shiver inside his arms. Shoma pulled back just enough to look at Yuzuru with so much fondness and admiration in his eyes, he felt his heart skipping a few beats. 

_ How far apart we are _

_ Your light shines on me _

In the end Saitama did not bring what either of them expected but when Yuzuru returned to his hotel room to find his boyfriend already curled up in his bed, looking at him with red rimmed eyes, he couldn’t care less. The world could burn with the fire of his rage for hurting the sweetest person out there. Silver stung but as he approached the younger to gently brush along his cheeks, feeling some remaining wetness there, he didn’t care. 

“Oh Sho…” He whispered than pushed gently at the younger to make room for him, sliding under the covers to wrap him in his arms like a cocoon instead of the blanket. Shoma moved towards him instantly burying his face in the space between his neck and shoulder. Yuzuru wished he could promise that next season will be better, that they will show the world they are not as broken as they are made out to be. Right now though he could not do it as he himself did not believe it yet. Instead he tightened his hold around the gem he was holding, pressing a kiss to the messy mop of head.

The future looked dark but when he looked at his boyfriend next to him on the bed, he did feel a soft ray of light shining on them. Yuzuru knew that with Shoma by his side, he will be able to get through this and he will do anything to be the same for the other.

“You are my light, Sho...I hope you know that. It’s you who helps me get through the hard times and I will be here for you, to hopefully do the same.” Shoma shifted at that, moving his head on the pillow so he could look at Yuzuru. His hand came up to touch his cheeks.

“Yuzu...you have always been my light too, since I can remember. That didn’t and won’t change.” Yuzuru turned his head to press a kiss to Shomas palm.

“I love you Sho.” Shomas breath hitched at the words, even after years of hearing it so amazed by the fact that Yuzuru loved him.

“I love you too.” And like that the world didn’t seem as dark as it did a few minutes ago, nor did the silver medal or fourth place pain them either.


End file.
